Referencing Ken's last post on religion shopping. Forgive the flippant reference to researching various religions. That really is what we are doing though, we are shopping for a religion that we will "buy" to give as a gift to our future children and family.
That is what a religious background is, I believe. It is a gift. It is a gift for so many reasons. It is something that a child does not have unless someone reaches out and offers it to them. It is something that you can hold in your heart and refer to, look to, share, enjoy, and grow with. It is a gift in that not everyone gets it, nor does everyone appreciate it for its truest beauty. Like any other gift, it has various forms and values and different value at different ages and times in one's life. Like a Barbie doll as a gift at the age of 7 vs. 17. The 7-year old will enjoy it much more (hypothetically speaking)and get more out of it than would the older teenager.
As a baby, infant, toddler or child, one cannot freely choose what religion they will be, what they will believe or what kind of person they are going to be on their own. While we can say that we want to give our children the freedom to make these very important choices and take a back seat and expose them to nothing in any formal or organized manner, the fact remains that if they are exposed to nothing, then how can they make a choice. There must be something for them to choose from in order for that to happen.
While Ken and I were raised very differently, religiously and otherwise, we find that our values and ideals are very much in tact and in common. We both feel like it is important to give our children a strong root system from which to grow; a loving home, a sense of self and a religious identity -- a place to find some sense of spirituality, develop a moral base, grow into a community and encourage the ideal of being a basically good human being.
Neither of us feel that religion is the only place to get the good person thing -- I mean that is what we are for as parents, no? But, we both agree that some sense of a religious or spiritual background would be a great benefit to our children and therefore our family.
We have been going to church on and off for the entire time we have been together -- that is my compromise as he is an active Catholic and I am a not so active Jew. But now that we are at a point where we need to make a firm decision, I am finding that I am more in touch with my Jewish roots than I thought I would be. I was not raised with any kind of a formal religious education, though I was definitely raised to understand that I AM JEWISH. It is more of an ethniciy and culture to me than merely a religion. It is ingrained in my being and who I identify myself as. And frankly, I am surprised that I have had such a strong reaction to all of this.
The logical side of me thought we would raise our children with a Cathlic religious base and simply expose them to the cultural and traditional sides of Judaism; considering our varied backgrounds. However, and you knew there would be a however, the emotional side of me is throwing a hissy fit and not relinquishing on this decision. So shopping we are going.
We have met with a priest or two and a rabbi and are going to various houses of worship to see where we both feel some level of comfort. Because through all of this, we are confident in our decsion that neither of us will convert or step away from our own religion -- we will share in the whole process and be a part of whichever community we decide to choose as a family, and hold on to our individual beliefs and traditions.
Here is the thing... I go to church and feel nothing. I go, I listen, I observe and I take it all in and I still feel nothing. This makes me sad. Until...
We went to temple last Friday night. I loved it! I felt comfortable, I felt connected and I felt community. I felt uplifted, and informed and comforted. I understood the sermon with ease, and walked away feeling invigorated. Now, I am not sure if it is because I am Jewish and that is how I think I should feel or if it s just that I really felt a connection here. All I know is that I enjoyed it and we are going again this week. We will continue to go to church as well; but I know I am looking forward to going back to temple.
I am sure there will be more on this later. But for now -- please share your thoughts on any part of this small novella.
PS! I must give it to the catholics at Christ the King church -- after watching the 3 baptisms, I want to baptise our babies! (bad Amy, bad bad Amy)
6 comments:
First...great song by Harry Chapin. In some ways, I'm experiencing that now.
We got married in an Episcopal church, which was my faith. The Missus was a non-practicing Protestant, so the decision was easy. We attended church off and off for most of our marriage. Mostly off. Until last year.
A nondenominational Christian church took over a failed supermarket and a few friends at work told me how good it was. (I think I always sit in what used to be the deli.) So, I thought I'd give it a try. Fast forward over a year later, and I'm now a co-team leader for the 9:00 a.m. service. I love it.
You may want to try a nondenominational congregation. It's uplifting, meaningful and relevant, yet has very little of the structure that keeps many people away from their house of worship.
Fred: We have thought about the non-denominational thing, but most of them are still Christian based and that makes for a sticky situation with the Jewish v. Catholic thing. But we are definitely still kicking that idea around. Thanks!
That's a hard decision to make. But it should also be based on what you do, because it will not be something you can force on the kid like 'do this even though I don't'. If you want to raise the kid in a religeon you have to be involved. I was raised Catholic, but my father would just drive us to church and drop us off while he went off to the club to drink. Not very inspirational.
Are you ready to hit services every week? Do the holy day things? Observe more? Does it really mean something to you, or are you just doing it 'for the kid'?
Joe: We both totally agree with you. That is why we are really researching this and trying to figure out where we will be most comfortable. We both intend to be fully involved. I am not sure we will go to services of either kind every week, but we definitely want it to be a part of our lives as a familial unit.
Amy: You know I'm pretty jaded about all this, so I will tell you this - I think you guys are doing the right things to find what's best for your family, and I applaud that you are doing this as a team.
It IS important to give our children a foundation that will assist in making their own decisions regarding religion later. I can say this even though I'm a recovering Catholic... LOL Madison was baptized in a non-denominational church, and I agree with Fred in that it doesn't have all the "structure that keeps many people away from their house of worship". It's very unbiased, and I'm good with that. We're trying to get her to Sunday school and haven't been successful yet, but we'll keep trying.
Good luck with this, it's really awesome how you guys are going about this together!!!!
Well you both know how important religion is in our familys daily life so I think it is awesome that you are figuring out what will work for your family. I look back in my life and think that if I didn't have the religious base that I do I wouldn't have made it through some of the rough times. Without hope (that for me comes through my belief in God and my religion) has made my life something outstanding. I am so grateful for my faith and the knowledge that my Heavenly Father loves me.
Paris told me the other day that Jesus loves her and wants her to be happy. If she makes the right decisions then she will be happy. I can't tell you as a parent what a warm feeling I get that she feels that love and that she knows that her choices are what will make her happy in this life. It seems like so many children have never been taught that concept.
Good luck with your search. I think you are both just awesome people and I am sure you will find something that will bring what you are looking for in your life and your future children.
PS- In case anyone is wondering we are Latterday Saints (i.e. Mormons=)
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