How many of you wake up every day and say, "Today is the day they are going to figure out that I am not what they think I am, not as good as they think I am, and not worth what they think I am"?
I swear to you that my days are numbered and it is a matter of time before they figure out that I am a fraud at work. I am telling you. My boss quit about a month and a half ago, and since then, the pressure has been on. Now, I am not saying that I am not up for the challenge; I am saying that I do not want to be. I have come to terms with the fact that I am a slacker in yuppie's clothing.
My old boss was a work horse. She seriously looked at us as support staff. She was all too happy to do the big stuff and let me do the background items to help complete the package. All the while, she bolstered me, talked me up to others and basically helped me carry on my charade. But she is gone now, and it is all I can do to focus at work, at all. I have no boss, no direction and I simply do not want to be there.
Why is it that with a boss it is easy to focus and get things done, but the minute I am left to my own devices... well, I can't. Or simply don't.
Right now I am working on a project that could seriously take me places at work -- yet all I can do is think about bridesmaid dresses, color swatches and how long it will take before they figure me out, and my cover is blown!
3 comments:
We all go through some form of anxiety when there is change. Be it a new hairstyle, a new car or a new boss, there is always going to be some stress. We put a lot of time and effort into building a relationship with our superiors that when something that intimate changes, it can throw you for a loop.
You are fantastic at what you do, and will be fine in the long run.
Can you say low self esteem? I know for a fact that this isn't a facade, and that you really kick butt! You are so good at what you do. Hey wait is the pot calling the kettle black here??????
You'll find your balance and belief in your abilities. B) I have faith in that.
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